Marie's Soliloquy/Diatribe: November 2005

Update

It is around 4 a.m., and I just stepped out so they could do another chest x-ray- I actually slept 4 hours, so I feel calmer and more sane. Last night I got so scared again and was too tired to function well. My crying does not help her... but sometimes I feel so powerless.

Her oxygen requirements were greater last night, so they will most likely keep everything the same today. I was hoping they would be weaning her from the breathing tube, but the process can be slow, I am told. The nurses and doctors also tell me that kids sick with RSV vacillate between better and then worse. It is frustrating, though: we will just be moving in the right direction, and then there is a set back. I just feel like she would do better if I could hold her. This morning, her heart rate was high, so I leaned into her bed and put my cheek against hers. Her rate went down. I felt like she knew I was there with her, and that gives me comfort.

Heath's mom got in yesterday, and I think both of us feel relieved to have some more family in town.

Susie, our nurse-midwife who delivered Blythe, and Lauren, a labor and delivery nurse friend from my days at Northside, gathered and brought food, drinks, Advil, and comfy scrubs to the hospital for me last night. It was so nice.

I am going to head back into the unit now. Keep your prayers and good thoughts coming our way!

Love,
Marie

Update

We had a long night. Blythe's heartrate and breathing would slow, and the nurses and respiratory therapists would work on her. It is such a helpless feeling to see your little baby with all of those tubes and all of those sticks. I find myself more scared than I have ever been in my life. There is a feeling of loss of control. The doctor says her chest x-ray continues to look better, and that they may be able to pull her breathing tube (extubate her) in the next couple of days. They also say that we will probably be in the ICU for a few more days, and then we will be on the floor after that.

I just cannot wait to be able to hold her. I miss that and the breastfeeding... Everyone tells me that she can hear me, so I have been talking to her and trying to let her know that I am here. Heath stayed a lot yesterday during the day, and I got to go home and shower, nap, and spend some time with Masie. Masie says, "Baby Blythe booboo, doctor, baby come back, Blythe come back?" So sweet... I keep telling her that Blythe will come back, and so will I- that we will all be together again soon. Then, I find myself feeling scared again and praying that all will be well soon.

Everyone has been so kind... all the calls and emails and offers to help. Heath's mom arrives this morning, and my mom comes next week; Heath's practice has been wonderful, too. He is not expected to see patients or take call. That has taken a little strain off of us. My sisters, also, have been incredible. Kat has been watching Masie, and Garland brought me homemade dinner to the hospital. It tasted so good!!!!

Anyway..they asked me to leave the room so they could do soem procedures, and I hope I can return now. Love to you all-

Marie

Baby Blythe in Hospital

Blythe got admitted Saturday night into the ICU at Scottish Rite. She has RSV and is very sick. She is intubated in order to let her lungs heal- We are terrified... On a postive note-Her chest x-ray looked a little better today, and Heath's mom, Bev, will arrive in town tonight to help.

We would appreciate all of your prayers being sent this way. We love that little girl so much, and it is hard to see her so sick-

Marie